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Amazed, Part II (Pontmercy): March, 1832
(Continues from Amazed, Part I) I woke with someone's arms around me, and thought for a dizzy moment that I still dreamed of the beautiful girl whom I loved, and who might in time love me. But it was not her, nor was it a dream, although the reality was as confounding. Daniel had embraced me at some point in the night, and now he lay quietly beside me. I sat up a little, not wanting to wake him, and saw that Aimery was still asleep beside him. I put my head down again and tried to fall asleep, but I could not. Their company distracted me, for I was accustomed to sleeping alone, and I was certain that as soon as they woke they would turn me out of bed. To save them the trouble, I got up, ignoring the soreness in my muscles, but as soon as I stood, Aimery sat up. "Where are you going?" "I'm getting out of your way." It would have been easier if I had known where my shirt was, or my pants, or anything, but I had no idea where they had gone. Aimery chuckled. "Come back to bed." "Why?" "I haven't promised you anything yet." He smiled at me. I looked away. "Don't I know you well enough to trust you?" "Marius." He got out of bed with easy grace, as if blithely unaware that he was nude, and he embraced me. "Mon ami, don't be ridiculous. Come to bed, kiss me, and make me a promise, and it will be finished." "We shouldn't wake Daniel." How could he say such things with his lover sleeping in the room? "The hell we shouldn't. You ought to promise to him properly, none of this stinting in haste. We've time today." Aimery kissed me at length, until I could hardly breathe. "Come to bed," he said again. "In a moment," I assured him. "Isn't there a pitcher of water in the other room?" "I think I refilled it yesterday." "Then I'll be back in a moment." The two mattresses on the floor of the other room seemed to have been abused nearly as much as Aimery's bed, and the furniture was in hasty disarray. I shook my head at the state of it and tried not to wonder what had occurred. My own memories were more than distressing enough. I performed my ablutions and found a clean set of clothes, which I brought back into the bedroom. By the time I returned, Aimery had awakened Daniel. They were embracing and talking softly. I backed up, wanting to give them what modicum of privacy I still could, but the board under my foot creaked and Aimery looked up. "Marius. Come to bed." I set my clothing down on a chair where I could find it again easily and complied. It was much warmer beside Aimery than it had been in the other room, and yet more so when he embraced me. He kissed me again, ran his hand down my side, and grinned at me. "You ought to switch places with me." "What?" After a moment, I understood. "Oh." I glanced at Daniel. "I should get dressed." "Not at all." Aimery nibbled on my ear and made my breath catch. "Don't go." Daniel touched my cheek. "It's all right. Come here?" I was clumsier than usual, distracted by desire and by the lingering aches inflicted the day before, but I managed to settle between them without hurting any of us. Daniel sighed and embraced me, whispering my name before he kissed my cheek. "God, Aimery," he said, although it seemed he was speaking to me, "this is so odd." "Is it?" Aimery asked, reaching past me to touch his shoulder. "Yes." Daniel blinked at me for a moment, then kissed me, tangling his fingers in my hair. I embraced him, and heard Aimery chuckle softly. Aimery caressed me, then, and I clung to Daniel, blindly seeking affection. He broke the kiss after a few minutes, leaving me gasping for air. I blinked at him before my eyes would focus on his face, and I struggled to be able to think. They wanted me to do no such thing, clearly, not with Aimery's hands on me and Daniel's mouth hot on my breast. I could not stop them, even if I had wanted to try, and I wanted nothing of the sort. It was all I could do to reach for Daniel and feel the remembered warmth of his body against my hands. Aimery let me go for a moment, leaving me free to pay better attention to kissing Daniel and listening to his breath accelerate. He was as thin as he'd been in our stolen month together, but somehow there was more fire in his kisses, less reserve in the way he arched into my touch. I realized how much I had missed him in a brief, painful moment, and I had to stop kissing him so that I could close my eyes and stave off inappropriate tears. Aimery kindly distracted me from this sorrow by easing my thighs apart and pressing a kiss to my shoulder. "Are you all right, Marius?" I hardly knew what he meant for a moment. "I -- yes." He touched me lightly. "Do you mind?" "No." I leaned toward him as best I could, which made him laugh softly. "Ah, brother," Aimery whispered. I gasped and leaned into the touch. Daniel sat up a little to kiss me. "God, Marius, the way you look." I blushed. I had forgotten him for a moment, caught up in Aimery, and I had entirely forgotten that he would be watching me. I wanted to hide my face, but I had nowhere to go, not while I knelt on their bed between them. "I'm sorry," I said, aware that it was feeble, and that I was not truly contrite. I kissed Daniel again so that he would not think I was ignoring him. He touched my cheek and ran a hand down my chest. "It's all right. I know you were being distracted." He glanced at Aimery, and I wanted to be anywhere but there, caught between two lovers and stealing their affections from each other. Daniel did not seem to mind as much as I thought he might, perhaps not even as much as he should have. He put a finger to my lips as if to prevent me from another apology, then slid it into my mouth with a faint smile. It was as well that he had done so, for I would have cried out otherwise. Aimery's fingers had grown less gentle, and though they felt wonderful they also hurt a little. I closed my eyes, trying to forget Daniel's gaze on me, and concentrated instead on the flavor of his skin, slightly salty, a little sour. Aimery nibbled my ear, and then I did cry out, for I was too enmeshed in pleasure to remember caution. Daniel took his hand away, which woke my rationality a little, but when he edged up the bed I feared he was leaving and I clutched at his shoulder. "Don't go." "I'm not." He put his hand over mine and squeezed my fingers reassuringly. "Don't worry -- brother. I -- I meant to ask --" and he blushed. In a moment I understood, and by way of answer I pressed a kiss to his stomach. I could not meet his eyes, could not acknowledge that I had betrayed my love for him by sharing a bed with other men, although surely he had already guessed it was so, or he would not ask that of me. I wanted to frame the right explanation, one that would excuse me from blame and yet not seem to implicate him, but as I went to begin it, Aimery pressed closer and I found myself wholly caught up in the moment. I bent my head, uncertain how long I would be able to do anything that required thought, and someone said my name breathlessly. Daniel ran his fingers through my hair; Aimery clung to my hips so tightly that I might have protested, had I a moment to do it in or the least desire to risk losing the rhythm of his body. I closed my eyes, overcome by sensation and not yet overwhelmed. For long moments I belonged to them, and they to me. I loved them as much as I had ever loved anyone, even the elusive girl whose name I did not know and whose face I could not conjure before my eyes in that extremity of joy, and surely they cared for me that they allowed me such intimacy. At length I could not breathe, and I looked up at Daniel. He smiled at me dazedly and touched my cheek. I said his name into the palm of his hand, and I began to caress him. I could not conceive of gentleness, not with Aimery calling my name and driving me to the brink of madness with desire, but the rough haste had infected Daniel as well. He lay down again, easing one leg between my spread thighs, and kissed me with a ferocity I did not know he possessed, gasping for breath and pushing against my hand to urge me faster while he returned that inflammatory embrace and pressed me to greater heights. With equal desperation I wanted it to last forever and to finish immediately, and so I struggled for both. The latter triumphed, and I kissed Daniel hard to muffle my cries. Aimery pulled me closer for a moment, whispering my name into my ear as he trembled, then kissing my ear as he calmed. I hardly heard him, for I was focused on Daniel, who clasped my shoulder, then buried his face in my neck, muffling a wordless cry of pleasure before he, too, lay still. I could think of nothing to say that would equal the intensity of what we had just experienced without making it seem ridiculous. I edged sideways awkwardly and nearly fell beside Daniel. Aimery ran his hand across my chest and murmured the now-familiar words of the vow. I repeated them back to him, although I was still a little breathless, and he kissed me. "I fear I'm falling asleep," I said, and yawned. "Not yet," Daniel objected. For a moment, I feared he wanted something more of me, but he said, "You won't want to wake again like that," and I understood. I was sorely in need of a bath. "I don't think I can walk that far," I said softly. "All right," he said, kissed me on the cheek, and got up to fetch the pitcher of water from the other room. Aimery ran his fingers through my hair. "Are you all right?" "Yes. I think so." I bit my lip. "Please don't send me away yet." He frowned. "What do you mean?" "After all, this is your bed." He kissed my cheek. "Ah, go to sleep. You can go back to your own bed tonight." And so I did, although it seemed terribly empty with only the memory of their company, particularly when I knew full well what they shared in the other room while I fruitlessly hunted sleep. I only tried to go to sleep early once, and that was enough to teach me the folly of it. After that, I resumed searching for the elusive mademoiselle, and I tried not to think of way Daniel sounded when he said my name. I was welcome in their political meetings when I had the time, and I was able to do them some service, but I was not content until April, when I found her at last.
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