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Changeable: December, 1831
One evening when the breezes whistle in the windows, Jehan accosts Aimery before the crowd arrives. "Come and sit with me, cher. I want to talk to you." Aimery kisses his cheek. "If you like," amiably. Jehan smiles. "Please?" "All right, I said." Jehan walks off to an empty table. Aimery ruffles his hair, before sliding into a seat across from him. "What's on your mind, petit?" Jehan grins and gets up to sit next to him. "I was thinking about that adventure the other week." Aimery smiles at him. "Oh?" "It was lovely, wasn't it?" "I thought so," amused. "So did Daniel." Jehan nuzzles his shoulder. Aimery grins quietly. "Seems so." "Have you ever considered --" "Hmm?" Aimery takes one slender hand in his and kisses it fleetingly. Jehan chuckles. "You would not look so terrible in skirts." The gray eyes widen. "You're joking." "Am I?" Jehan traces the line of his cheekbone with one finger. "I didn't think so. You could carry it off, if you were inclined. No pumps, of course, but still." "Mon Dieu." Aimery blinks, then laughs a little. "What an idea." "It serves a purpose, does it not?" Aimery glances down at the table with a curious expression, caught midway between unease, interest and calculation. "It might." Jehan tousles his hair. "I expect Daniel would find the prospect intriguing." Aimery ducks reflexively. "Might, at that." "He was more than enthusiastic before," mildly. "True. But--" "But what?" "I don't know." Aimery drums his fingers on the table, lost in thought for a minute. Then thought turns his cheeks red, and he laughs a little, burying his face in one hand. "God, you're terrible, petit." Jehan beams. "I know." Aimery pokes him in the arm. "You just want to see me make a fool of myself, don't you?" "No -- I -- I broke your rules, didn't I?" Aimery directs a look at a point somewhere between the wall and the ceiling. "Daniel's rules." Jehan kisses his cheek. "I know, but you have to live by them, so they're yours, too." A small grin. "Anyway, I didn't hear anyone complaining." "I suppose not. But still. My point remains -- it would be interesting." Aimery laughs again, that odd awkward laughter. "I suppose it would. Yes." "I'd help, if you liked." "You'd have to." Aimery grins lopsidedly. "I have no natural aptitude." "You've not tried, yet. You'll do fine." "You talk as if the thing were settled." Jehan grins. "Isn't it?" Aimery sighs. "If I asked him beforehand-- I could come over and, er, discuss the matter with you." "You'll embarrass him," mildly. "Well I'm not going to tell him what we're doing. Only what we're not, as it were." "Ah. Well, that makes sense." Aimery shakes his head. "God." "What's wrong?" "Nothing, just-- good Lord, Jehan, what have you done?" Jehan does his very best innocent look. "Nothing, yet." Aimery laughs, and tugs him close in a one-armed, mostly fraternal hug. "Wretch." "Only sometimes." Jehan kisses his cheek. "Often enough." Aimery lets him go, leaning back in his chair. "God." The door opens and Daniel enters, a book under his arm. Jehan grins. "What timing." "Evening, chéri." Aimery stretches out an arm to Daniel, smiling. Daniel nods to Jehan and takes a seat by Aimery. "Good evening." Aimery leans over to kiss his cheek. "How are you?" "I'm quite all right. How are you?" "Good evening, Daniel," Jehan says lightly. "Ah -- here's Theo. I'll see you around, then." He pats Aimery's shoulder and gets up. "Until later." Aimery watches him go, then turns back to Daniel cheerfully. Daniel asks, "Did you have a good day?" "It went well enough," nuzzling his shoulder affectionately. "It's good to see you, too," amused. "Is it? Ah, good." Daniel kisses his cheek. Aimery settles against him, in the comfortable, nearly unconscious way that Aimery has. "I was wondering." "What were you wondering?" "Will you mind very much if I go over to Jehan's for a few nights this week? We're working on something." Daniel blinks. "I suppose not. Will you tell me what you're working on eventually?" Aimery gives him that swoon-inducing smile. "Of course, cher." "All right." Daniel smiles back. "Splendid." Aimery kisses him properly, just barely before the door opens again and admits Julien and Audric. * * * * * It is rather closer to two weeks, in the end, that Courfeyrac spends going back and forth between his lodgings and Prouvaire's. To do him credit, when Daniel complains once or twice, he stays home for the evening to console him, but most of the time he seems preoccupied, if pleased with himself. On a Saturday night, when Daniel lets himself in, he finds a fire kindled and the door to the little bedroom ajar. He blinks and calls, "Good evening, chéri." "There you are," says a petulant and not entirely familiar voice from within. "I've been waiting half an hour." "Are you quite all right?" He pauses to take off his jacket and hat and hang them up. "I suppose." "You suppose?" Daniel frowns. A chuckle. No-- a giggle. "As well as can be expected. Aren't you going to come and kiss me?" "Just a moment," although when he pushes the bedroom door open farther, he nearly falls over. "God, what have you done?" Daniel seems torn between laughter and fear. The person on the bed, charmingly got up in frilly blue skirts, auburn curls in a tumble, regards him with coquettish indignation. "I haven't done anything yet. I haven't had the chance." Daniel rubs his eyes and begins laughing in earnest. "Aimé, you're completely mad. You do know that?" "I've never denied it," mildly, dropping the flirtatious trill. "Is it that bad, then?" "You're beautiful," using the feminine form. "Come and kiss me." Aimery looks at him a moment, then complies, with a hesitation that passes for shyness. Daniel takes his hand and kisses it lightly. "Enchanté. God, you are enchanting." With a rather confused smile, he hugs Aimery. Aimery settles into his arms, head against his shoulder. "You're too kind." "No, chérie," touching his curls almost reverently. "All this trouble -- all those nights, what, picking a shade of rouge with Jehan --" he begins laughing again. "For me, love?" Again the almost-giggle. "Who else?" Daniel buries his face in Aimery's shoulder and doesn't answer. Aimery kisses his cheek. "Not for Audric's benefit, I can tell you that. There are easier ways to get shouted at." "Mm." "Is it all right?" rather timidly. "It seems a great deal of trouble to go to for me," and he keeps his voice almost even. "I thought you'd like--" The voice in his ear tilts over the line from anxious girl to crestfallen boy. "I'm sorry." Daniel kisses him desperately. Aimery clings to him, one hand knotting in the back of his shirt. Daniel runs a hand down his side. When at last they need to breathe, "Beautiful, beautiful -- like it, how could I like it? Do you know -- do you really know what it does to me, to see you like this -- it's more than, than liking it, or no." Aimery touches his cheek lightly. "Beloved-- come sit down." Daniel laughs again. "All right, all right. Do you know --" "What, cher?" Daniel sits down and holds out a hand to him. "How many times did I think how easy everything would be if only, if only this were the way of things?" Aimery settles on the edge of the bed, embracing him again, and says nothing. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Daniel pulls him closer. "God, what a lot of lies I told myself." "It's all right," stroking his hair. "It's all right, cher." Daniel puts a hand on his thigh. "Let me know it's a lie," desperately. "I am too in love with you to want this dream except as a dream, and I can't see through it, not yet." "Oh, Daniel." Aimery kisses him. "I'm sorry, love. I didn't mean--" "I love you." Daniel touches his cheek lightly. "You are so handsome, as yourself -- so beautiful like this -- very beautiful. I just --" He lets himself slide off the bed and sits on the floor. "I love you." "I love you too." Aimery is uncharacteristically awkward, of a sudden. "You know that. I-- I didn't-- I'm sorry, just give me five minutes and I'll be out of this, I--" "It's all right, it's all right." Daniel kisses his knee through the skirts. "Just -- I keep thinking it's real. I can't bear to think that. Please --" and he makes a rather out-of-practice attempt at moving a large amount of skirt fabric out of the way. But Aimery catches at his hands and holds them, tense and stricken, his head bowed. "I'm sorry. God, I'm sorry." Daniel sighs. "And still I wish it were true, though that betrays us both. I'm sorry. I thought I knew better." Aimery is trembling slightly. "I meant-- I only meant to make you laugh, and-- God-- you've done so much for my sake, I thought, couldn't I do this for you? I should have thought. I should-- I'm sorry." Daniel sits next to him again. "It's all right," he says softly, though there are tears in his eyes. "I just -- I will love you, always, even though I know -- I know this can't really last that long. I wish --" he breaks off and hugs Aimery tightly. "Beloved." Aimery clings to him as tightly, stroking his back. "Lie to me a little," softly. "Swear you'll never leave me." "Never. Oh, God, never." Daniel buries his face in Aimery's shoulder. Aimery kisses his hair. "I'm sorry," again, in the flat tone of suppressed emotion. "Are you all right?" in a rather choked voice. A deep breath. "I am if you'll forgive me." "It's all right." Daniel sighs. "I -- I'm overreacting." Aimery strokes his shoulders soothingly. "I didn't think." "I'm being horribly foolish." Daniel takes a deep breath. "You are very beautiful." Aimery laughs a little. "Thank you. I-- it doesn't matter, you know, if you'd rather not--" Daniel shrugs. "I don't know." He looks at Aimery's face for the first time in several minutes. "Are you sure you're all right?" Aimery meets his eyes, briefly unselfconscious. "If you are." "I don't know," again, more reluctantly. "God, who would have thought such a simple thing could hurt?" "I didn't mean it to." Aimery touches his cheek briefly, then looks down. "I should-- I should go and change." "I'm sorry." Daniel kisses his cheek. "I didn't mean to ruin it." Aimery kisses him soundly. "It's not your fault." He pulls away, standing, and retrieves yesterday's shirt from the back of the chair. "Back in a minute." Daniel puts his head in his hands. Aimery hesitates. "Daniel...?" "I love you. It's --" he swallows. "I'm fine," and this is clearly a lie, and he must know that his voice shakes in the middle. Aimery hesitates; then tosses the shirt across the bed, and kneels beside him in a rustle of petticoats, reaching for his hand again. "Tell me, love." "I can't stand to love you this much and remember that it means nothing. That nothing will ever come of it, because of the simplest thing in the world." There are tears on Daniel's cheeks and more coming to join them. "And when it's over, you'll have to forget, and move on." "Oh, Daniel." Aimery embraces him. "Dearest brother. Never." "I don't deserve you," softly. "I can't bear the thought of losing you." "No need to think of it." Aimery kisses his hand. "Beloved-- beloved. Shh." Daniel shudders and holds his hand so tightly it must hurt his fingers. After a few moments, he relaxes. "Go and change?" "All right, love." Aimery pats his shoulder, climbs to his feet and goes to do that. Daniel waits patiently in the bedroom, his head in his hands again. Presently Aimery comes back in, clad only in his shirt, and goes over to wash his face quickly. "Are you all right?" somewhat subdued. "More or less." Daniel looks up. "I'm very sorry, love. I spoiled everything." "I don't care, if you don't. It was a silly idea." Aimery settles beside him again. Daniel embraces him with a sigh. Aimery kisses his cheek. "I'm sorry." "Just -- stay with me." "Of course, beloved." Daniel nuzzles his shoulder. "I love you." "And I you." Aimery nuzzles his shoulder. "Don't fret." "Stay with me, chéri," as if he is on the verge of leaving. "I'm not going anywhere." Daniel sighs again and kisses his cheek. Aimery smooths his hair. "Everything's all right." "Sweet, handsome, charming love," softly. "I wish that I could stay with you, always -- but you must, must know that." Aimery embraces him. "Chéri." "I -- I'm sorry." "It's all right." Aimery caresses his hair. "It's all right, dearest." "I am such a fool. Why do you tolerate me?" "Because I adore you," stroking the back of his neck lightly. "I have a tendency to make a mess of what ought to be a pleasant evening," wryly. "It still could be," kissing his cheek. "Forgive me for trying too hard?" Daniel nods. "Of course." "All right, then." Aimery kisses him properly. Daniel sighs and relaxes against him after a bit. "Sweet brother. Come to bed?" "All right," without letting him go in the slightest. So Aimery leans back against the pillow, tugging him along. "My God, you're handsome." Daniel blushes. "Thank God you think so, beloved." "I'm not the only one, you know," amused. "You're the only one who matters." "Flatterer. Why are you wearing pants?" "It's too cold outside not to." "It's not cold in here," Aimery observes, helping him dispose of them. "Not with you here." Daniel grins at him. Aimery grins back. "Good." Daniel kisses him. Aimery tangles a hand in his hair and returns the kiss. Daniel slides a hand under his shirt and sighs. Aimery shivers, running a hand down his spine. "Love." "Much better." "Hmm?" Daniel licks his neck. "You're still you," contentedly. An untranscribable noise. "So it seems. Do that again." Daniel does, with an extra nibble for good measure. "Mmm. God." Aimery gives a pleased shudder, and kisses him again. "Why are you so wonderful?" "I learned by observing you," cheerfully. "Observing. Is that what you were doing?" "Quite carefully," running a hand up his back. "Lord, what you do to me." Aimery trails kisses across his shoulder. "Hopefully it's half as wonderful as what you do to me." Daniel grins at him. Aimery laughs. "Flattery. Let me..." slipping a hand under Daniel's shirt in turn. Daniel sighs and begins to fight with Aimery's buttons. "Oh, leave that, darling, it's not in the way--" Aimery kisses him again, bearing him back against the pillows. Daniel tangles his fingers in Aimery's incongruous ringlets. "It is, though." "Why?" breathlessly. "Want to touch you." "Aren't you?" "Take your shirt off?" softly. Aimery laughs. "All right, all right." And does, impatiently. Daniel sits up a little and take his own off. "You're so handsome." Aimery chuckles. "You and your compliments." Daniel holds up his arms, asking for a hug. Aimery obliges him gladly. "Love you." "Je t'adore." Aimery nuzzles the base of his throat, sighing. Daniel tousles his hair. "Dear friend, I don't deserve you." Aimery leaves off long enough to smile at him quite adoringly. "Of course you do. Of course you do." Daniel kisses his cheek. "No," wistfully. "And-- God, I'm lucky." Daniel takes a deep breath, but says nothing for the moment, only looks at him. Aimery bites his lip. "Are you--" "What, love?" "Do you regret this?" softly. Daniel blinks. "What's to regret?" Aimery fidgets a little. "Mixing yourself up in this. Letting me ask terrible things of you." "I could never find anyone else half as -- as wonderful, in every way, as you are," softly. "I would be wasting my time, if I tried. I -- sometimes it's still strange, our friends, but they're good men. And you, love, you are the best of us all." Daniel kisses him. Aimery returns the kiss, laughing. "Now you're being ridiculous. Oh, my dear..." "No, I'm not." "With that last, you were." He kisses Daniel's shoulder, and looks at him again earnestly. "Are you happy?" "Right now? Yes." "I mean-- mostly?" Daniel kisses him. "More than not." Aimery sighs. "All right." "I love you. I want you -- God, I want you almost as much as I love you." Daniel kisses him again, more desperately. "I love you too, God knows-- shh, love--" kissing him back tenderly. "Then what's wrong?" Again Aimery squirms a little. "Sometimes I worry." "What worries you?" gently. "Whether you might not be happier ... otherwise." "I wouldn't." Daniel kisses him again. "Oh..." Aimery sighs against his mouth. "Chéri." "I adore you." "And I you." "Make love to me," in a whisper. "Oh, yes," softly, breathlessly. Daniel runs a hand down his back. "Lovely." "If you want to call it that," mildly. "Cher --" "Hush," caressing him. "Let me." Daniel sighs and relaxes. Aimery is quiet then for some time, stroking his skin lightly, covering him with kisses. "You drive me mad," breathlessly. "Good," between kisses bestowed in unmentionable places. "I want to. I want to make you forget you were ever unhappy, I want to give you such delight, oh, God, Daniel--" "Aimé," tousling his hair further. "Please." "What, lover?" "I can't think." "Don't think." Aimery kisses him again, deliberately provocative, and then sits up, sliding a hand between Daniel's legs. "Let me?" Daniel obligingly ends up quite spreadeagled in a short period of time. Aimery caresses him lightly, then leans over the edge of the bed for a moment. Daniel blushes. "I love you." "I love you, too." Aimery straightens, and bends to kiss him. "More than I can say." "Dearest," embracing him. Aimery nuzzles his shoulder. "Hm?" "Please, love." "What?" kissing him again before sitting up. Daniel laughs a little. "How badly must I want you before you'll do as I ask?" Aimery smiles at him. "Only making sure," and is busy for a moment. "I was beginning to wonder." "Sweet brother, as if I could deny you." Aimery leans over to kiss him again, stroking him lightly. Daniel sighs. "You can -- sometimes." "Not for long," easing a slick finger inside him. Daniel strokes his hair. "Mm." "Beloved," softly. "You're beautiful," moving towards him a bit. "Lie back, love, lie back, let me. So are you." "I can hardly reach you like this," but he complies. "Can't you?" Aimery settles a little closer. "That's better," running a hand down his body. Aimery shivers pleasurably, and kisses him again. "God, that's nice." "Is it?" as though in polite surprise. "Yes. Please --" "What, cher?" elaborating a bit. Daniel closes his eyes. "Love you." Aimery presses closer, kissing his cheek. Daniel sighs and runs a hand down his back. "Chéri," Aimery whispers against his skin, "chéri." "Please," pulling him closer. Aimery nestles into his arms, and then, after a few readjustments, closer still. Daniel sighs. "Oh, God, mon amour." "Beloved," breathlessly. "Aimé," before kissing him. Aimery knots his clean hand in Daniel's hair, clinging to him. "Never leave me," with a hitch in the middle. "Never. Oh God, never." Daniel's fingernails leave bright lines on Aimery's shoulder. "Please, yes." "O my God, oh, love--" Aimery kisses him again fiercely, shuddering. Daniel returns the kiss with matching passion, making a small noise in his throat. After a moment Aimery shudders again, and breaks the kiss to gasp for breath, burying his face in Daniel's shoulder. "God." "Don't stop," desperately. "God, love," rocking against him, caressing him blindly. "Mon ange," and it is not clear that Daniel knows what he is saying, really, for the next thing he says is quite wordless and perhaps louder than it ought to be. "O my Daniel," Aimery breathes, and embraces him tightly. Daniel gasps for breath for a moment, then holds him. "Never, never leave me." "Never," muffled against his hair. "I love you." "And I you." Aimery laughs. "My God, you're -- splendid." "I'm a mess," clinging to him. Aimery kisses his cheek. "A damnably handsome mess." "Flatterer." "No, no." "Yes, yes." Daniel smiles hazily at him. Aimery grins back in a similar daze. "Best-looking mess I've ever met." "You didn't meet me like this." Daniel licks Aimery's bottom lip. "I'm sure of it." "Not really, no." "Mm." Daniel stretches his arms. "Dearest brother." Aimery nuzzles his shoulder for a minute, then disentangles carefully. Daniel sighs. "I love you." Aimery kisses his cheek. "I love you, too." He sits up, yawning. "Don't go far," on another sigh. "Whyever would I do that?" He crosses the room to wash his hands. "I don't know, but I miss you already." Daniel watches him. He still hasn't made the first attempt to move. "You are nervous tonight," gently teasing. Daniel sits up. "Do you ever have that feeling where you want to be in someone else's skin?" Aimery turns, drying his hands, and regards him thoughtfully. "I'm not sure." "Not -- sexually, not really. Just wanting to be close to someone, so close you're almost the same person." Aimery considers. "I don't know." He puts the towel aside, and comes over to get back into bed. "I'd never thought of it." Daniel hugs him. "I'm sorry." "What for?" settling into his arms. "Being ridiculous." "Were you? I hadn't noticed." "Mm," murmured into his hair. "My dear, you're not the one who's been ridiculous this evening," kissing his shoulder. "You weren't weeping over nothing." "No. But still." Daniel shrugs. Aimery runs a soothing hand down his side. "Beloved, don't worry so." "I'm not worried." "Are you happy?" wistfully. "Yes." Daniel kisses his cheek. Aimery nestles against him with a small sigh.
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